| it's a nervous tic motion of the head to left |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|07:51 pm] |
lovely lovely lovely.
life is well, busy, but well.
logan' birthday is on tuesday and i got him a kick ass present!
i'm starting to discover that old things, and old habbits annoy me.
kind of sad really, but if you think about it, moving on and moving up is what life is all about.
so no worries.
i'm able to write poetry again... i'm pretty sure. haha.
God bless |
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| that's enough |
[Jan. 26th, 2007|08:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dustin kensrue | ] |
i'm gonna say it, because it's what i believe. i don't care how many people get mad at me. i support vegetarianism, i think it's great. i think those people are so strong. my sister has a friend who has been a vegetartian for i think 6 years. i respect the crap out of that. you know why? she doens't yell at me for eating meat, she doesn't think i'm a bad person. she respects me the same way i respect her. i have many friends that are vegetartians, and all of them i respect. it's the people that shove it down my throat that i eat meat that i don't respect. don't yell at me for eating what i want to eat. i proud of your decision to not eat meat, that's great. YOUR decision. not mine. so i don't care how many quotes for the Bible you come up with, i don't care how many PETA posters you put up, the more you shove it down my throat, the more i'm going to think your being rude, and not listening to my reasons. you don't have to be a southern republican conservative to be narrow minded. you can be narrow minded as a liberal democrat. look, i'm not denouncing being a vegetarian, i am denouncing being a preachy little bigot! i realize i'm doing that right now, but this is the first and last bulletin you'll get from me. i don't like the way animals are treated, it's terrible, but not ALL slaughtering places are like that, there are local ones, that don't whip their animals, and feed them well. so stop. stop saying your going rip out someones insides because they went hunting. because then you're just as bad if not lower than the person who is holding a deer fetus. (i'm not srry if you are offended by this, because you were never sorry about offending me) |
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| boys suck, oh man i sound like a junior high kid! |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jimmy eat world | ] |
they suck! they just suck!
especially when they can't tell you like them, and insist on telling you about all these girls they've been hooking up with. oh and then when they do find out, my favorite line is "but i really don't want to ruin our friendship" BULL SHIT! boys would ruin a friendship if they truly like a girl. but what ev.
God bless |
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| i am thinking about shooting myself in the leg |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|04:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | arctic monkeys | ] |
on myspace, there is a bulletin or how ever the hell you spell it, with the title "save your scene".
okay, really? why should we save the scene? if your begging people to come to shows, when really all your gonna do is sit there and stare at them for being there, because your pissed, because you know they're just posing! and really, no they shouldn't be there, because they ARE posing, they don't give a shit about the damned music, they just want to look all cool, well goody, they just made themselves look like asses! but really if you think about it, they are the future of the scene, so the future "scene" is going to be what eveyone in the present scene hates! they call these kids "scene kids", and when all of the present scene actually decide to leave this shit hole, then the whole damned scene will actually be scene kids (weird twist of fate no?) the one thing that no one really wants! because the "scene" here is hard core (which i've noticed is getting progressively worse) and the only "hard core" bands these kids might really genuinely like is From First to Last. SO! "save the scene" no no, it's not gonna be real if we "save it". quit calling it a scene! it makes it artificial. music (which is the whole point of this "scene") is personal, music should be real, not cool, not "hip", not the thing, music is an expression of who you are ya pussies! quit faking... i'm not saying the whole scene, of the future scene is or will be fake, but really, just let it be, and let everyone be welcome, and let them be able to express themselves musically,with out having a damned label. |
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| it's me and the moon she says |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|11:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nickel Creek | ] |
we're walking so close to the water
so water reign me in
it licks my feet
begging me to submerge myself
the temptation is much too great
but the water is much too cold
if i cannonball in
i could be consumed
we're walking so close to the water
so water reign me in
i'm standin on the eadge
urging to jump in
but what is the shock is too great
what if it is steaming instead
these are risks i'm just not willing to take
please don't push me in
i'm already up to my knees
and i'm sure this goes much deeper
we're walking so close to the water
so water reign me in
there is more, bt i'm still writing it.
God bless |
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| kiss my good-bye, i'm defying gravity |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|03:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | defying gravity | ] |
life is getting sweet.
people just need to realize what they have a say in, and what is honest to God none of their business.
poetry has consumed my life
and everything it was to me
it is so much more to me
i've been thinking a lot lately.
my feelings for boys are confused... i'm not sure whom i like
i think i might have a thing for santos, but maybe brian... brian might be scetchy... i don't know.
God bless |
|
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| i write i write |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|10:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brand new | ] |
entrance me
fill me with delight
make me wild
set me FREE
let me be in awe
i want to be crazy
absolutely mad
daft even
i'm begging darlin' please
entrance me
God bless |
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| the only thought |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|05:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
stunning castastrophy
dance with me
take my hand
and let's sway in the stars
let's mess with the constolations
and make them what we are
we'll draw our life
and whistle our music
our story will be shaped in the sky
so that lovers may understand
and take their loves by the hand
dancing and swaying
in the stars in the stars
let's show them who we are.
yup.
God bless |
|
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| you don't know what you do to me |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|09:06 pm] |
my last cry of defiance
i scream at the top of my lungs
i don't need you anymore
i don't think about you
... well i do
but i don't need you
i don't even care for you
... that's a lie
but i don't need you
i don't write for you
... well i am
but it doesn't mean i need you
i don't ache for you
... well atleast i try
i don't need you!
okay so what if i do?
do you care?
i think not
this is my defiance
screaming with all it's might
hear it
don't back away like a coward
but you are
so it doesn't matter
i don't need you anymore. |
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| life's tricky |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|11:37 pm] |
life kinda sucks on one hand, but on the other hand, i've become a lot better friends wtih some people. and that pretty much rules my face off.
life is deceptive, and full of trickery.
because i thought all this really bad stuff was happening to me, when really i was getting better friends, and relating, and laughing, and being real to me. i told someone i pretty much despise, to quit talking to me, and i'm proud. i'm not quit as scared of older people as i was =) heh. i don't even know. bad things happen, but we just have to remind ourselves of the good things. or something |
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| doing that thing you do |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|11:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | anberlin | ] |
bad night
bad mood
bad day
bad week
bad.
i don't want to be in a relationship, i'm just not sure how to get out of it. i hate feeling trapped, and confined, i don't like being questioned all the time.
I HATE the fact that people keep asking me whaat's up with me and santos. look, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS! if i want you to know, then fuck man! don't you think i would have told you?
guys need to respect girls, and girls should respect guys, this whole lets cheat on everyone business is really making me mad. i mean open relationship, yeah what ever, but if you're in something real, don't fuck up dip shit.
and another thing, if you are supposedly "tight" with someone, i dunno GIVE THEM A FUCKING HEADS UP ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE! you can't get mad at me for not telling you shit, because you're always fuckin' distracted or drunk. i'm fucking mad, and i'm crying, and shit! stay true to your friends.
i noticed today after i hung up on ronnie, that i had no one to call and cry to, no one. do you realize how messed up that is? it's real messed up. i'm really just kinda hating life right now.
-God bless
i'm not sorrry for cussing =) |
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| and i will express myself with rage and anger |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | soco | ] |
the problem with this anger, is that you don't know that i'm anger with, that i desperatly dislike you, for every little wrong thing you do. every one of your misspellings, ever time you giggle uncontrolably at something completely stupid, everytime you slouch into your oversized pants. i loathe you every second i have to listen to a story about how great you are, because to me, you are nothing special, more like a useless speck that can't make a name for herself so she tries to take others places. you've never done anyhting to me, you've never said anything rude to me, you've never hurt me, you've merely do not fit. i didn't plan for you to happen, and i do not plan to like you. you're a distraction, set up to take the world from me, i don't appreciate this, i refuse to acknowledge you as a peer of mine. because you make me angry. you're not real to me. you're what they want you to be, or what you think they want you to be. get smart girl, get wise, and notice that you are not fixing to take my spot. you can rip my world from my hands. i will fight 'til it's over, and if you come out winning, i want nothing to do with you, i want to loath, i want to not like you, i want be your supperior. i want you to quit talking about things you don't know about. if you haven't read the whole poem, you don't know what it means, you don't know what one line means, when you haven't even begun to look into what the entire thing means. you're stealing my thing. that poetry it for me and my brother, it was how we bonded and you, not knowing a thing about it, decide it's cool to take parts of poetry you don't even know and display them like you have all this knowledge. you are no where near being emo. so shut up. i don't plan to like you, and i don't plan to shre happily, i plan to quietly dislike you for everything your worth, and i plan to leave you alone. i hope you have a glorious life filled with wonderful things, but i don't want you to take what i have from me.
God bless |
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|
| defeat |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|05:06 pm] |
i'm done.
tell them not to talk to me anymore
becaue i'm through
because all i supply is pain
and i don't like that thought.
God bless |
|
|
| defiance, against nothing. |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|10:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | schauffer | ] |
i say what i think
i mean what i say
but really insecurity gets the best of me
i talk the talk
and i do my best to walk your walk
but in the end i just can't up
too caught up with the things i think matter
like the music
and the writings
and smiles you send my way
but i'll talk your talk
and i'll walk your walk
just show me
i'll learn
i'll be what ever you want me to be
no no
don't ask me questions like
"are you being true to yourself?"
because these questions only make me doubt
I'VE DOUBTED ENOUGH
it needs to end
i want to be sure that i'm good enough
even if i'm not up to my own standards
i just want to talk your talk
and walk your walk
show me show me
i must know
i don't think i'm quite what you need
i want to be everything you need
tell me what to say
tell me how to act
i've become something i am not
are you to blame?
i think not
i think this monster inside of me
is the one to blame
devouring me
ME
not what you see
but the real me
quit your mess
i don't care much anymore
i think i might stick with my thoughts
my music
my writings
though i still wish i got the smiles
i'll go on
i have someone else to give me those
you'll see
i'll be great
and you'll still be talkin' your talk
and walkin' your walk.
God bless |
|
|
| poem that got me through today |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|10:20 pm] |
she used words like:
THIS
and
STUFF
and
WHATEVER
and DOT DOT DOT
Well, Im sorry
But i like to think
of what WE HAD
as a little bit more
then these misplaced english words
you're using
that only serve
to make me
SAD
and
CONFUSED
and
BELITTLED
and make me seem
SO TRIVIAL
BE CIVIL, GIRL!
Your vocabulary
was
so
VAST
i even bought a 300,00-word
dicionary
to keep up
with your ______
BUT now you break it all down
with ambiguous words like:
THIS
and
STUFF
and
WHATEVER
and DOT DOT DOT
what in the world were you
thinking little lady?
you're acting
so shady!
but i'm not going
to THINK about it
moving along
NEXT POEM
I'M SORRY
i have to talk about it
SOME MORE.
its my
PERSONALITY.
it's how
i was born.
i keep digging holes
in the dirt
to place
this hurt
but it won't go AWAY
it just won't
stay away
i just don't understand
i just don't
get it, man.
and i guess i never will
BEACUSE
MY DICIONARY
doesn't contain
the CHEAP words
you use
to make me
so ill.
i WANT to give
you a hug
i want us
to
walk
and
talk
in a park while
watching doves.
i want us
to carry on
in a
PLATONIC
love...
but YOU
DON'T
WANT
TO
so we won't
next poem.
-Bradley Hathaway
there is another one i just don't feel like typing up right now.
God bless |
|
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| tonight by all accounts |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|10:02 pm] |
was not what i expected.
i got to chill wtih ronnie
but dude
krista and kyndal got mad at me
i'm not used to this!!!!!
ronnie, why do they do that?
i would not have bought her that book had she not been mad.
and when we got in the car kyndal wanted me to buy her a 3 dollar drink.
but she gave me back the money, which was nice of her.
i think... i dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so confused i don't know if i should be mad! |
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| today |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|06:29 pm] |
today is a really good day.
and i'm glad.
because i needed a really good day.
God bless |
|
|
| bradley bear =( |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the dryer | ] |
it just hit me, as i was looking through brad's pictures, that he is never coming back. more than likely i will never see him again. which is sad. because brad is very reponsible for who i am today, which is kind of a scary thought. it's so weird to me, my bradley boy isn't coming back to me, and i'm sad, very sad, because he's my boy, my best friend since 7th grade. and i'm sorry but it does piss me off that all of these people we met at the freshmen campus, that got to know him for like, what? 2 months, how he's on their top 8, or on their hero's list when really brad is so much, SO much more than i think they've seen. i mean i might be very mistaken, but me and brad came out of some heavy shit together, he was my support system for a while there. i mean we were NOT friends for about 2 months during my 8th grade year, but by the end of it we were tight again. those 2 months were hell, and now i get a life time. i just want my baby back, my brother, my bear. you know when he moved, all of these people i was friends with, it was like i had to rebecome their friend. because so many people i was friends with i was friends with them because of brad, not because i'm amazing, which we all know is true, hehe. so there for about 2 months, i didn't have a set group of friends, i was working my way into the LFPC, but i wasn't really in it, and i didn't really belong, then thank GOD for mercedez, you guys will never know how much i love that girl. she saved me. and molly of course, jeez, molly was so easy for me to talk to, so easy to just love. and molly introduced me to ronnie, and i'm not sure if it ever makes her kinda mad that me and ronnie are so tight, because to be honest if i were her i'd be mad. for the mere fact that she's known him longer. but anyway, ronnie is my brother, not replacing brad, but... being the right thing i need. so i miss brad, a lot, and i think about all of the things that remind me of him daily, but i'm so thankful for my best friend mercedez, and for molfiz, and my big bro ranulfo. so many people were there for me, but those guys are the ones that stand out in my head.
God bless |
|
|
| i agree with molly fizzle |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|06:36 pm] |
i don't know who i like!
i can't get about 4 people out of my head!
one of them i don't want in my head, because i haven't known them that long, and they don't belong there!
i don't even think anyone really likes me!
and it's possibly the MOST frustrating thing IN the world!
God bless |
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